There I’ve said it. Kids for tea. I hate it.
I’m an anti-social miserable Mummy.
But, Oh my word, I spend most of the time with a false perma-grin on my face, speaking in a voice even I don’t recognise and biting my fist.
Because here is what happens during ‘friends coming round for tea”.
Well, they get every single toy out. And not just out, they throw them in the air like confetti, pull them apart, toss them aside and stamp on them. Because they are not theirs, and more importantly, no one is going to tell them off. I wander behind them, picking up their trail of destruction , biting my tongue.
What is worse, is that my own children participate in this outrage. They, too , hide behind the shield of Mummy Face. It is as if they know that I am on my best behaviour and trying uber hard not to shout, or raise my voice or be cross in any way. What I really want to do is scream ” FOR GOD SAKE , STOP DOING THAT RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!! ” or I will ring Daddy/the Easter Bunny/Father Christmas etc.
Well. Hmmm. Now allergies, I can understand those, they can’t be helped , I can deal with those. But when you text the parent the fairly harmless question
” What does Lucy/Sophie/Jack/Max etc…. like to eat?”
You get replies along these lines….
“Oh he/she will eat anything really…. Wheatberries, tofu, edamame beans….”
Liars. No child eats things like that voluntarily. Cue special trip to the Supermarket, spending more on a 5 year old’s tea, than I do on my own.
Of course , when they turn up, they don’t touch it. Four variances of meals later they end up woofing down beans on toast.
Then what do you do about pudding? I’m all for throwing Kinder Eggs and Party Rings at them for a treat. But what if they are not allowed sugar? Or chocolate? What if they go home hyped up and I am slated for being an irresponsible mother? Should I just stick to fruit and yoghurt??
Oh how awkward. The text message will go something like this
Me – “What time would you like me to drop (insert name here) off?”
Them – ” Oh, whenever suits you….”
Er… no. Too early and you will think I am boring, too late and you will think I am irresponsible. Now I like routine, my cherubs are usually bathed and in bed by 7, but I will be damned if you are laid back and carefree and supermum-esque and you don’t mind what time they roll home. JUST BE HONEST AND LET ME KNOW. I am too old for mind games.
Well hey-ho, it is all a bit like childbirth isn’t it…. give it a few weeks and I will have forgotten all about it. “Of course you can have someone round for tea poppet, let me speak to their Mummy….”
Til next time…. xx