So being a Mum, a Parent, a Wife changes your life irrevocably. It is a never ending journey , a learning curve of wonderful craziness.
There are a few things though, just a few, that I Really Wish I Did Not Know.
- The Vagina is the most elastic muscle in the body. – Now I know this marvellous fact, I am unable to get it, and the accompanying images, out of my head.
- Nurses and people who work in GP surgeries are real people. I see the lady who does my smear test all the time, usually in the Soft play with our respective children. I never know where to look, although I suspect she finds that more difficult than me (!)
- Your child has their very own individual poo smell. In a playgroup, when all the parents are looking round for the culprit, you know exactly when it is one of yours.
- There is no pain on earth like childbirth. No pain, no gain, I know but I am still in shock 6 years later.
- Every single word to the Frozen song “Let It Go.” I was proud of this for, ooh, about 3 days. Now I want to pull my eyelashes out when it comes on. Such a shame the audio CD is scratched.
- The pros and cons of Variable versus Fixed rate mortgages. How boring, how grown up, how responsible. I just want to buy jeans and pretend that there is a money tree in the bottom of the garden.
- You are what you eat. I eat Mini Eggs. Lots of them. You can tell.
- How to say “We all have diarrhoea, please help us” in French. Self explanatory. Too hideous to recount.
- My husband hated my wedding dress. I sort of wish he hadn’t told me. He is like Jim Carrey in Liar Liar. It is not a good thing.
- I am never going to catch up on my sleep. I have finally realised that the person I was before I had children has gone. Although I am starting to realise that I am probably a slightly better version of her.