10 Things I wish I did not know

So being a Mum, a Parent, a Wife changes your life irrevocably.  It is a never ending journey , a learning curve of wonderful craziness.

There are a few things though, just a few, that I Really Wish I Did Not Know.

  1. The Vagina is the most elastic muscle in the body. –  Now I know this marvellous fact, I am unable to get it, and the accompanying images, out of my head.
  2. Nurses and people who work in GP surgeries are real people.  I see the lady who does my smear test all the time, usually in the Soft play with our respective children. I never know where to look, although I suspect she finds that more difficult than me (!)
  3. Your child has their very own individual poo smell. In a playgroup, when all the parents are looking round for the culprit, you know exactly when it is one of yours.
  4. There is no pain on earth like childbirth. No pain, no gain, I know but I am still in shock 6 years later.
  5. Every single word to the Frozen song “Let It Go.”  I was proud of this for, ooh, about 3 days.  Now I want to pull my eyelashes out when it comes on.  Such a shame the audio CD is scratched.
  6. The pros and cons of Variable versus Fixed rate mortgages. How boring, how grown up, how responsible.  I just want to buy jeans and pretend that there is a money tree in the bottom of the garden.
  7. You are what you eat. I eat Mini Eggs. Lots of them.  You can tell.
  8. How to say “We all have diarrhoea, please help us” in French.  Self explanatory.  Too hideous to recount.
  9. My husband hated my wedding dress. I sort of wish he hadn’t told me.  He is like Jim Carrey in Liar Liar.  It is not a good thing.
  10. I am never going to catch up on my sleep.  I have finally realised that the person I was before I had children has gone.  Although I am starting to realise that I am probably a slightly better version of her.

xxx

 

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