There I’ve said it. Kids for tea. I hate it.
I’m an anti-social miserable Mummy.
But, Oh my word, I spend most of the time with a false perma-grin on my face, speaking in a voice even I don’t recognise and biting my fist.
Because here is what happens during ‘friends coming round for tea”.
The Toys
Well, they get every single toy out. And not just out, they throw them in the air like confetti, pull them apart, toss them aside and stamp on them. Because they are not theirs, and more importantly, no one is going to tell them off. I wander behind them, picking up their trail of destruction , biting my tongue.
What is worse, is that my own children participate in this outrage. They, too , hide behind the shield of Mummy Face. It is as if they know that I am on my best behaviour and trying uber hard not to shout, or raise my voice or be cross in any way. What I really want to do is scream ” FOR GOD SAKE , STOP DOING THAT RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!! ” or I will ring Daddy/the Easter Bunny/Father Christmas etc.
The Food
Well. Hmmm. Now allergies, I can understand those, they can’t be helped , I can deal with those. But when you text the parent the fairly harmless question
” What does Lucy/Sophie/Jack/Max etc…. like to eat?”
You get replies along these lines….
“Oh he/she will eat anything really…. Wheatberries, tofu, edamame beans….”
Liars. No child eats things like that voluntarily. Cue special trip to the Supermarket, spending more on a 5 year old’s tea, than I do on my own.
Of course , when they turn up, they don’t touch it. Four variances of meals later they end up woofing down beans on toast.
Then what do you do about pudding? I’m all for throwing Kinder Eggs and Party Rings at them for a treat. But what if they are not allowed sugar? Or chocolate? What if they go home hyped up and I am slated for being an irresponsible mother? Should I just stick to fruit and yoghurt??
Going Home
Oh how awkward. The text message will go something like this
Me – “What time would you like me to drop (insert name here) off?”
Them – ” Oh, whenever suits you….”
Er… no. Too early and you will think I am boring, too late and you will think I am irresponsible. Now I like routine, my cherubs are usually bathed and in bed by 7, but I will be damned if you are laid back and carefree and supermum-esque and you don’t mind what time they roll home. JUST BE HONEST AND LET ME KNOW. I am too old for mind games.
Well hey-ho, it is all a bit like childbirth isn’t it…. give it a few weeks and I will have forgotten all about it. “Of course you can have someone round for tea poppet, let me speak to their Mummy….”
Til next time…. xx
mummymarbles 
I used the line ‘we don’t do that in this house’ They’re probably not allowed to in their home, either!
As for the food, I’d say to the mum – we’ll be having. fishcake and peas, pizza, whatever, will that be ok? if their mum says it’s ok, and they won’t eat it, then they can eat when they get to their own home.
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That is a good idea!Telling them what you are having rather than asking! I will remember that one! thanks for reading xx
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Just found you through Mumsnet Bloggers and I absolutely love this!!
Made me chuckle as it is exactly how my little ocd head reacts to toys out and kids that don’t eat their food…my poor 7 year old begs for friends over for dinner but I’m truly naff at ever arranging it. I just worry that they may report back that they don’t ever want to visit ‘Trunchbulls’ house again! Ha ha xxxx
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My worst bit is the walk home with an extra child – fills me with fear! But, I’m determined to make myself do it more often…
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I know! Even worse.. when it is pouring down and you take the car… cue driving at 15mph!! I am going to try and be stronger.. they’re only children.. how hard can it be?!?
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Love this and can relate! But yes, like other commenters, I’m happy to tell kids our rules and also don’t really give a choice for tea. My bug bear, though, is that I always resort to freezer food because although my kids will eat a wide variety of stuff, often their friends will only eat chicken nuggets/fish fingers/sausages so I just do a freezer meal and try not to worry. On a discipline note, we all feel more comfortable and secure with some boundaries in place, young kids especially, so don’t shy away from telling them what’s what if you need. Also worth mentioning that if kids get used to feeling welcome in your home, then that can only be a good thing for the future. They may get to a point where they have no one to talk to about something and feel they can come to you. You’re actually building the foundations of a great relationship with your kids’ friends, like it or not!
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Thank You! The general feeling I am getting is that I should have some discipline with other children… I will (despite my rant) be having them over for some years to come so I had better get used to it! I like what you say about children feeling welcome and secure when visiting in your home, I hadn’t really thought about it that way. xx
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Yeah, I think on the discipline front if parents have entrusted you with their offspring (you are, after all, giving them a couple of hours’ free childcare), then they’ve entrusted you with the right to discipline. I would want my child to be sanctioned by another parent if he misbehaved at a friend’s house. I’ve thought about the welcoming/safe aspect of playdates quite a lot recently because my son just started at a school with a fairly deprived catchment, so quite a few of his friends have difficult things going on at home. I hope they can feel safe and happy at our home so that if anything kicks off in the future and they need someone outside their situation to chat to, or just a different place to be, we can provide that for them. Oh, and I forgot to say re timings – I always arrange in advance with parents, and it’s usually 6pm – late enough for us to have had dinner, early enough not to be rushing bedtime! Don’t feel guilty setting a time: you’re giving your fellow parents free childcare! You can call the shots!
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