So I had an epiphany today.
Please don’t misunderstand me, I adore my children and always have. They make my heart contract in a way I didn’t know was possible.
But being a Mum? No. I haven’t been loving that.
It hasn’t just been the lack of sleep, the crying , the constant worrying, the strain on my marriage or the fact that I am currently watching a colleague steal my job from under my nose.
No no – can’t blame any of that. It is Me.
I worry and stress about everything. I have control issues. I want everything to be perfect, organised, under control. I have to be prepared for every eventuality, I have 3 diaries and a wall chart. I just can’t let things go.
Today though – today , while in the garden throwing the ball for the dog for the 100th time and watching my little girl copy everything I did – I realised a few things.
- The world will not stop if the children don’t have a weeks supply of clean underwear in their drawers at all times
- I have never been as happy in my life as I am today
- Nothing really matters outside my family’s four walls
- My children are becoming little people and I just love them
- I don’t like being apart from them
Okay, so I will still enjoy going to work tomorrow and having a Hot cuppa and some adult conversation. And I will still dress all the dolls before I go to bed, because I can’t help myself. And of course my Littlest One pooed herself before she went to bed, because she always does – But do you know what, I am okay with that.
Maybe, subconsciously, I don’t care about the job. There is only so far you can go, I have nothing left to prove. I have got something more important to do.
mummymarbles 
Great post, I’m really enjoying reading them. I’ve gradually trained myself to be much more patient and less cross and fiery over the years….but it’s hard as I now tend to bottle things up much more – which is bad in its own way!
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There is no easy answer. I am finally finding some sort of middle ground, but I have had to really train my brain!! x
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